The Dichotomy of Control: Making Peace with Life's Twists and Turns
Dive into the art of balance with the Dichotomy of Control. Uncover how embracing change and letting go leads to a life filled with more joy and less stress.
Hey Wise Readers,
Today’s post delves into one of the most famous Stoic teachings, the Dichotomy of Control, from the Stoic philosopher Epictetus.
This practical philosophic tool has helped me many times by allowing me to let go of what is outside of my control, focus on my area of influence, and stop overthinking.
Let’s examine this timeless wisdom, explore its relevance in the modern era, and discover practical ways to incorporate it into our daily routine. Happy reading!
Finding Balance in a Hectic World
“You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”— Marcus Aurelius
I remember the first time I stumbled upon the Dichotomy of Control—such a simple, life-changing notion if applied. I thought, how has no one told me about this?
On reflection, I knew countless things were not in my control, yet I’d spent almost two decades getting hung up on them. Why?
I discovered this life-changing idea early in my Stoic journey, coinciding with a tough time in my life. It was incredibly helpful, allowing me to take back some control in a situation I wished I could have changed. It gave me power in what felt like a powerless position.
We live in a hectic world with many challenges, irritations, and occasional joys. So, understanding what’s in our hands and what’s not is more than just a philosophy—it’s a survival skill. The Dichotomy of Control can help us lead a more joyful and fulfilling life.
Control in Everyday Life: Where's the Line?
“It is not the things themselves that disturb people, but their judgments about these things.” — Epictetus
Today, you will experience numerous events, some wished for and others not. Some will be within your control, whereas others won’t. It’s crucial to recognise and separate matters into these two camps.
In such situations, ask yourself: Do I have any agency here? Or am I powerless?
Depending on your findings, you will know whether to invest your precious time and energy into the situation. Most of the time, I find I cannot influence the situation, so it’s better to move on with my day and let it be.
Epictetus emphasises this task of separating matters into what we control and don’t:
“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own …”
Epictetus, Discourses, 2.5.4–5
Stop and think for a second: How often have you gotten frustrated, upset, or caught up in something entirely outside of your control?
Likely a lot! I know I have. Yet, there’s another way, a wiser approach that, when practised, makes you wonder how you ever lived without it.
Every sunrise brings its daily challenges, decisions, and interactions. Knowing what we can control and what’s beyond our reach is not just good for our peace of mind; it’s essential for making the most out of our days.
This understanding lays the groundwork for deeply exploring the Stoic concepts of externals and internals.
Externals vs Internals
“The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have.”— Epictetus
Understanding the difference between externals and internals is crucial in applying the Dichotomy of Control in our lives.
Externals are things beyond our control.
These include the actions and opinions of others, the weather, past events, and even certain aspects of our health. Essentially, anything outside of our direct influence falls into this category. Spending time and energy worrying about externals can lead to frustration and helplessness, as we cannot change these factors.
Internals, on the other hand, are within our control.
These include our thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and actions. Focusing on our internals can cultivate a sense of agency and resilience, regardless of external circumstances. This shift in focus empowers us to respond to life’s challenges with composure and wisdom.
For example, consider the lady in the rain in the image above. The rain is an external factor—something she cannot control. However, how she reacts to the rain is within her control. Instead of getting frustrated or upset by the weather, she can choose to remain calm and accepting, perhaps even enjoying the rain.
By focusing on the internals—her attitude and response—she keeps her composure and peace of mind, demonstrating the power of the Stoic Dichotomy of Control.
Practical Application: Navigating Daily Life
“Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.” — Epictetus
To make this more practical, let’s look at some extra examples of how distinguishing between externals and internals can impact our daily lives.
Workplace Challenges
Imagine you’re facing a difficult situation at work, such as a critical project with tight deadlines. While you cannot control the deadline set by your manager (an external), you can control how you approach the task (an internal).
Focusing on effort, organisation, and attitude can help you navigate the challenge more effectively and reduce stress.
Social Interactions
In social interactions, we often worry about how others perceive us. This concern is an external because we cannot control other people’s thoughts or reactions.
Instead, we can focus on being genuine, kind, and respectful when dealing with others (internals). This not only fosters healthier relationships but also alleviates unnecessary anxiety.
Health and Wellness
While we can’t control every aspect of our health (e.g., genetic predispositions), we can control our lifestyle choices, such as diet, exercise, and stress management. Focusing on these internals, we improve our well-being and maintain a positive outlook.
By consistently focusing on what lies within our control (internals), we can navigate life’s challenges with greater ease. Now, let’s see how Stoicism guides us in dealing with things that are 'preferred' or 'dispreferred' yet ultimately indifferent to our inner tranquillity, virtue, and character.
Preferred & Dispreferred Indifferents
“Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.”—Epictetus
With a clear grasp of what is within our control, let's delve into how Stoicism guides us in dealing with things that are 'preferred' or 'dispreferred' yet indifferent to our inner tranquillity.
In Stoic philosophy, 'indifferents' are things that are neither inherently good nor bad in themselves. They do not directly affect our moral character or virtue. However, Stoics classify these indifferents into two categories: preferred and dispreferred.
Preferred Indifferents
Preferred indifferents are generally desirable and contribute to a comfortable and pleasant life, but they’re not essential for our happiness or virtue.
Examples include health, wealth, good reputation, and material comforts. While seeking these things is natural, a Stoic understands that they do not define our worth or inner peace.
For instance, having good health is preferable, as it allows us to live and function effectively. However, a true Stoic recognises that health is not guaranteed, and its absence does not diminish one's ability to live virtuously. By treating preferred indifferents as secondary to our moral purpose, we maintain our equanimity regardless of their presence or absence.
Dispreferred Indifferents
Dispreferred indifferents are things that we generally avoid as they can lead to discomfort or hardship, such as illness, poverty, or social disapproval.
While these are naturally unwelcome, a Stoic sees them as opportunities to practice resilience and strengthen their character.
Consider facing a financial setback. While it’s dispreferred because it complicates life, it doesn't impede one's ability to act with integrity, kindness, or wisdom. Embracing this perspective allows us to remain calm and composed even when confronted with difficulties.
Applying Indifferents to Daily Life
"How long are you going to wait before you demand the best for yourself?" —Epictetus
Recognising and categorising preferred and dispreferred indifferents can profoundly affect how we navigate daily life.
Career Success
Achieving career success (a preferred indifferent) is satisfying but should not define our self-worth. If we lose a job or fail to get a promotion (dispreferred indifferents), we focus on maintaining our integrity, work ethic, and positive attitude, which are within our control.
Physical Appearance
While maintaining a healthy and fit body is desirable, it is a preferred indifferent. If we face changes in our appearance due to ageing or illness, we remember that our actual value lies in our actions and character, not in external appearances.
Social Validation
Receiving praise and validation from others is pleasant and a preferred indifferent. However, a Stoic does not depend on external approval for self-validation. If we encounter criticism or disapproval (dispreferred indifferents), we use it as an opportunity to reflect and grow without compromising our peace of mind.
Putting the Dichotomy of Control into Practice
“The unexamined life is not worth living.” —Socrates
Understanding the theory behind the Dichotomy of Control is one thing, but integrating it into your daily life is where the real transformation happens.
Here are some practical steps to help you apply this Stoic principle and cultivate a more resilient and peaceful mindset.
Daily Reflection
Take a few minutes at the end of each day to reflect on events and categorise them as externals or internals. Consider how you responded and what you might do differently next time. This practice helps reinforce the Stoic mindset and improves your ability to distinguish between what you can and cannot control.
Mindful Meditation
Incorporate mindfulness meditation into your routine, focusing on letting go of thoughts about things outside your control. Use this time to centre yourself and strengthen your awareness of your internal world—your thoughts, emotions, and reactions.
Setting Intentions
Set an intention for the day each morning based on what you can control. This could be related to your attitude, effort, or how you treat others. Focusing on internal goals can make your day more fulfilling and less stressful.
A Stoic Challenge for You
“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.”—Epictetus
Here's a challenge for the coming week to help you start implementing the Dichotomy of Control.
The Dichotomy of Control Journal Challenge
Start a Journal: Dedicate a notebook to this challenge. Each day, write down one situation where you practised the Dichotomy of Control. Reflect on what was within your control and how you responded.
Daily Affirmations: Write down daily affirmations that reinforce your focus on internals. For example, "I control my reactions and attitude," or "I let go of what I cannot change."
Weekly Review: At the end of the week, review your entries. Reflect on the progress you’ve made and the insights you’ve gained. How has focusing on the Dichotomy of Control affected your stress levels and overall well-being?
By actively engaging with this challenge, you’ll start to internalise the principles of Stoicism, making them a natural part of your daily life.
Embrace the Journey
"Well-being is realised by small steps, but is truly no small thing." —Zeno
The Dichotomy of Control is a powerful tool for navigating the complexities of life. Understanding and embracing it can free us from unnecessary worry and cultivate a more profound sense of peace and resilience. It has been a game-changer for me!
Remember, the journey of Stoicism is ongoing, and each step you take brings you closer to living a more balanced and fulfilling life.
Thanks for joining me on this exploration of Stoic wisdom. I hope these insights and practical tips help you find greater clarity and joy in your daily life. Keep practising, stay mindful, and embrace the power of what lies within your control.